- Weather – Good, but chillier than anticipated so I wore a sleeveless jumper and a long sleeved jumper.
- Toss – Lost. Not done by captain Ed because he was late, again.
- Pitch – The perfect village wicket (terrible). Stumps put in off centre with one being held together by tape. Also bowling from one end only, in part because we could only find one set of bails (until the end of the match when Ed discovered they were “hiding” inside the stump bag)
- Wicket first ball of match, caught by Rob Walker (not the snooker announcer)
- Jaymin, Dooley and Sam Burton bowled sexy beautiful rockets that either launched off the pitch at head height or scuttled through like an angry shrew. Either way they proved mighty effective.
- Sammy Onassis got into an argument with a dog-walking woman called Karen who said “I hope you get hit in the head with the ball”. Her dog Olive, was charming. She was not. She was a twat.
- Tooze drew the short straw and had to keep. It looked about as fun as a punch in the face but he did it excellently, and is the only person who manages to look good in an ice hockey face mask when standing up to the stumps.
- Sammy, Frecks and I rotated our fielding positions every 2 overs to stave off boredom.
- Run out with both batsmen finishing up at the same end. A friendship presumably spoiled, at least temporarily.
- Smithy’s balletic run up led to a well deserved wicket and Frecks picked one up too.
- CICC were set 187 to win.
- Tea was, in part, from Gail’s – so it cost a total of £142.30. There were minimal beers.
- Jaymin didn’t have any friends so went to the shops and inexplicably came back with Leon, who was buzzed off his tits after going to a coffee festival but was brought down to earth by being made to score.
- Josh & Steve opened. Josh didn’t fully understand the power of the Pope’s Wood and was caught on the boundary in the second over playing a checked drive (side note that could well be left as an internal thought: who has a long on in the second over of the innings?)
- Steve was the ginger rock, sandstone if you will, with the team making steady progress in the right direction around his one and only (yet highly effective) shot – a dib dab down to deep 3rd man. He picked up another excellent and solid half century with a shot down to…. yes, you guessed it.
- Valuable contributions from Sammy Onassis, Captain Ed, Frecks and the ever-reliable Stacey Sam Dooley.
- Steve Smith refused to bat with Tooze umpiring in the duck suit so made him wear it around his waist, which from the sidelines made the duck’s bill look like a prolapsed arsehole. See photographic evidence.
- Rob Walker (not the snooker announcer) and Smithy saw it home for a CICC win with nerves of steel and two balls remaining after Sammy Onassis has given a wide to tie the scores in what looked to be the most agonising umpiring decision of the season.
- Plastics, as ever, proved to be excellent company on and off the field – a truly lovely bunch who play in the same spirit as CICC.
- Champagne moment went to Rob Walker for an excellent shot through point in the dying moments of the game.
- Headband, well sweaty towel now, went to Captain Ed for kicking it once, kicking it twice and then saying it went over the boundary for 4 when in fact it was short.
About the author: Josh Shinner despises paragraphs, but loves photographing the royalty, cow-corner, batting on astro, going on tour with Jimmy Anderson, and drinking old fashioneds in the bath.
